unnamedIn my idea of beauty there is no glamour aspect. My work relates immediately to how I feel about life. My whole life has been in the pursuit of the truth. The most interesting for me is to deepen myself, my mind, into a human body, the head in particular. For me painting is necessity. It is placing myself outside my own experience.

It gives the privilege of being looked at and the pleasure of investigation of what could be painted. I picture people recovering from their own stories. The most important part for me is to paint people with respect to authenticity and their spirit. I was preoccupied with the idea of making private biography public. It was a reaction to certain kind of repressiveness. I do not paint people as they are. I paint them as I feel them to be. This is my private investigation into their character and personality. I explore my subject to the very boundaries between life and death. My models reflect the transcendent act of crossing the border of souls living in the body. My medium is ancient yet powerful- watercolour and ink. The intensity of the colour varies, yet remains full just like tasting life for the last time before death.

The Expression Within: A Fairytale

Once upon time there was a little girl who lived in the woods. She was a bright little thing and could see beauty and expression where others couldn’t. Whilst this was a gift, it was also a curse in that it meant many misunderstood her. Sadly, amongst those that misunderstood her the most was her parents. Not only did they misunderstand her but they overpowered her. They oppressed her on many levels. Because of this, she was very unhappy. She grew up in a lonely existence with abusive adults.

One day, as she was playing alone in the garden, she looked at the fence and saw something she hadn’t seen before – a blank canvas. Inspired, she immediately set to work and painted a mirage of all sorts of lovely things. It was her first big work and she was incredibly happy. Joy filled her like never before. For that one brief moment she felt a sense of accomplishment. She was so thrilled with the painting and its large size that consumed her whole entity. Feeling the need to share her joy, she ran to tell her parents, but they were far from happy and did not share her delight. Instead, they were angry and bitter. The little girl was heartbroken. The next day, it poured with rain and washed away the painting. She stood and watched it go and with it, her joy washed away too, but all was not lost, for she now knew in her heart who she was and what she had been given life for. She was an artist.

The little girl began to grow and she flourished into a young woman. Now, if her spirit was made of normal matter, she would have crossed the path from childhood to adulthood smoothly and with ease but that was not so for this girl. The powers that be had greater designs for her.

She was diagnosed with a deep illness. The demon we all fear and can strike anyone at any moment. That demon was cancer. She had to leave a place called ‘home’ and forced to live at a hospital to see and experience even greater suffering. It struck our girl hard and an immense battle took place. For five long years, here she lived. Here, she completed her studies and here, she had space away from her parents and could paint to her heart’s content. Despite her struggle, she found comfort and relief in this. She now felt safe and happy at the thought of not having to return ‘home’ again to a place in which she did not belong .It was a great tragedy to spend the best years of her teenage life in a hospital. But she also knew that if she would not go through this journey she would not have been able to complete her humanity and transform herself.

One day, she lost a lot of blood and she lost consciousness. She lost more blood and began to slip away. She lost even more and her spirit left her. Was it her time? Perhaps. She looked back at her earthly body and the doctors working to revive her. She felt the pull towards the end. She drifted further away. Yes. This was it, there was nothing that could be done. The demon had won. Away she glided, further and further. She was succumbing. Before disappearing completely, she took one last look at her physical realm. There she was, lying, so very close to the end that the doctors around her could almost taste it. There she was, that unhappy creature, taking her last breaths. There she was. Dying. Although she was struggling with a demon, she felt deep inside that it was not yet her time.

Although she knew that was her body lying on the floor she felt content and in peace for the first time…but this wasn’t right. This was not how it was supposed to end. No! This had to stop! Her spirit knew that there was still chance to win the battle. Her spirit was not going to let the gift of life slip away so easily. Her spirit fought with all her strength and made it back to the physical realm.

She was lucky enough to have the help of an angel, who saw her strength within and helped bring this into full force. This angel was her doctor.

This was the turning point for her being

She was exhausted. But her angel was by her side and he told her “If you can survive the next 24 hours until tomorrow, we will operate and there is still a chance to live.” That chance was all that she needed. Her spirit was now adamant. She would take this one opportunity and she would fight. She would survive and she would be the victor.

This is how she started her adventure with painting.

She challenged herself and went back to the darkest places of her soul to discover who she really was. Painting became a vehicle to translate and transform her experiences and to shift energy. That was just the beginning of her path to self discovery and growth and finding love that she had within all this time.

This is a true tale. Ten years later, that girl is now a woman living and thriving. All her paintings are her expression within.

This is her story. This is her art. This is her expression within.

She has learnt how to love again and to see the world through the eyes of love not hate.

Welcome to my world.

Thank you to my lovely friend Crystal Jones for editing and perfecting my story.